I’ve been avoiding to meet up with friends here in SG for months. Couple of times they asked me to have dinner with her/him or just roam around the city. And of course, I declined with some superficial reasons. I don’t know but I found it awkward, meeting friends now a days…. I have lots of issues, going all over my mind. It’s like there are two forces arguing in my mind. One trying to convince me to say yes and the other forcing me to come up with another excuse. Eventually, the NO always win.
Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against with my friends. I miss having fun with friends, but it’s just that I don’t have that same belief in me anymore… I imagine myself as a human slowly transforming into a semi-robotic artificial intelligence-ish person. I’m worried that I might bore to death whoever that I will go out with!
So why am I feeling this way? I don’t know. Maybe when I started working here, everything became a routine. I missed doing all the spontaneous things I did back then. Is it because I’m here? Or is it because I’m getting older? But I don’t want to be old and be like an old boring maiden.
Maybe, I’m having problems with growing up.
Going back, I’m happy that I let the YES win this time. I’m glad that I decided to show up and try to reconnect again. It feels different talking with old friends and having fun with them (aside from my two sisters).
Friends can give you this kind of bliss that not even your family can provide. You can be crazy, without inhibitions, without worrying that your mom will get mad or your sister judging you. With real friends you can tap your hidden crazy side. Maybe that’s why we also need friends to survive.
I realized, at this age and time. It’s harder to make friends or to keep the old ones. But the hardest will be to value the true ones. Eventually, all of us will be busy trying to build our career or family, we’ll be busy creating our dream lives. Even though, we are caught up with this crazy decade, I hope we still find the time to create spaces for our real friends. We need our friends to be insane and keep our sanity at the same time. Now that I remember.
I’ll try harder to reconnect this time…